Do you know how to change your mindset? If you are struggling with your goals, your job, your life in general, a shift to your mindset might be the first step.
In today’s episode, we are talking about how to change your mindset and evaluate your beliefs based on the “Secrets of Supermom” chapter Supermoms Believe They Will Succeed | The Secret of Mindset.
In this episode, you will find:
- Positive vs. negative mindset
- The difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset and why it matters
- How guilt impacts mindset
Ready to listen and learn how to change your mindset? Use the podcast player or listen anywhere you find your favorite podcasts. (Don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode!)
Rather read? Check out the show notes and episode content right here!
Show Notes and Transcript: How to Change Your Mindset
Hey, hey friend! Welcome to Episode #12 of The Secrets of Supermom Show! We are officially at the end of Part 2 of the book which is The Secrets of the Mind and Body. Next week will be diving into The Secret Skills supermoms use to succeed which is Part 3, the final part of the book. This week, however, to wrap up Part 2 we are talking all about mindset based on Chapter 11: Supermoms Believe They Will Succeed: The Secret of Mindset.
What is mindset? Mindset is your personal set of beliefs and thoughts that combine to shape how you make sense of the world. It affects the assumptions you make, the feelings you feel, the way you think about others, and the way you think about yourself. Sounds pretty important, right?
Although mindset is often what you might call reactive, as in your mindset is almost automatic, it doesn’t mean that it is permanent. You can practice a mindset you want and help make it automatic, just like you can practice a skill and make it a habit.
Positive Mindset vs. Negative Mindset
In Episode 7 we focused on attitude and how to cultivate a positive attitude. Many of those tips can be applied here, so be sure to go back to that episode if you missed it, and especially if you are struggling with negativity.
Basically, a positive mindset means that your beliefs and thoughts sway toward the positive. You might believe things will work out, even when something bad happens. You might see the glass as half full. You might call it optimism. A negative mindset means that your automatic reaction to a situation is to see the negative aspects. You see where you might fail. You see the risk and the danger in a situation. This is not always a bad thing! We need to be aware of the risk and aware of the danger. The problem starts when you see danger in places where the real danger is minimal. You find fear in places where fear is not warranted.
When you find yourself swaying toward negative thoughts and beliefs, take a good intentional look at your thoughts. Are they rational? Are they serving you? If not, you have the ability to change them just by realizing them.
Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset
Another way to look at mindset was introduced by Dr. Carol Dweck and splits mindset into two categories: a growth mindset and a fixed mindset. A growth mindset is believing your talents in any area can be developed. They are learned. A fixed mindset is believing that you are born with specific talents or skills. They are innate.
As an example, let’s pretend I just completed a presentation at work to my CEO. I stuttered, forgot part of my presentation, read directly from my slides, and overall just presented poorly. I could decide that I am just a terrible public speaker (fixed mindset), or I could decide that I have not perfected public speaking skills yet (growth mindset).
With a fixed mindset, I am unlikely to try to get better at speaking. I am unlikely to practice or look for ways to improve. With a growth mindset, I might schedule a class on public speaking. I would look for ways to practice over the next few months. I might experiment with different speaking methods.
You may have both a fixed and a growth mindset, depending on the topic. For example, I have a growth mindset when it comes to parenting and my career. I believe that I can learn new skills and strive to get better every day. I know that I won’t be great at everything but can develop as a mom. However, when it comes to sports, I have a fixed mindset. I believe that I am terrible at sports. I will never get better no matter how hard I try—and so I never try.
A fixed mindset might show up in a number of ways:
- You believe that your talents, your intelligence, and your abilities are innate. You believe this of others as well. If you weren’t born good at math, you will never be good at math.
- You avoid challenges. You have never taken a Zumba class because you are a horrible dancer. You are bound to be horrible. You don’t believe you will get better, so why try?
- You don’t listen to constructive feedback or criticism, even when it is helpful. Your boss provides a really good resource to help you get better at selling after a botched bid defense. You just aren’t a born saleswoman.
- You give up easily. You tried to potty train your three-year-old, but it didn’t work after a day. You just weren’t meant to potty train kids. Your husband will have to do it.
- You feel threatened by others when they succeed. It’s not fair that Bob got all the brains. Everything is just easy for him.
- You focus on the result instead of the process. You got laid off, so that must mean you were never meant to be an engineer.
A growth mindset might look like this:
- You believe that some people are born with certain talents, abilities, and smarts, but these things can also be improved. With practice and focus, you can get better, smarter, and faster. The first cake you decorated was abysmal, a true Pinterest-fail, but you are confident you can start a business if you practice the skills.
- You are fired up by challenges. You get excited to learn something new. Salsa dancing tonight? Never tried it, but sounds fun!
- You know that you will not be perfect on the first try and accept criticism. Oh, her diaper is on backward? Now I know for next time!
- You can push forward through adversity or failure. Well, the interview did not go as I planned, and I didn’t get the job. I am going to practice my responses and apply for more jobs tomorrow.
- You enjoy the process. You like the trial and error of getting to the other side of a challenge. I can do better, let’s run through the pitch again.
- You are inspired by others. Wow, Jenni was promoted three times in the last three years! She must be doing something right. I am going to ask if she will mentor me.
Supermoms don’t let challenges hold them back at work, and they don’t let challenges hold them back at home. You learn how to change your mindset. You believe you can be a better mom and better at your career. You believe that you can get anything you want if you work hard and figure out how to get there. You teach your children that they can get better at things, too, with practice, grit, and determination.
Mom Guilt
Are you feeling guilty? Do you struggle with guilt? A guilt mindset is one that many moms have taken on and can’t seem to shake. Often as moms, we aren’t even feeling guilty for valid reasons. We are at work and feeling guilty for not being home, even though we are providing for our family and showing our children what moms can achieve. We are at home and feeling guilty for not working more even though we hit a big deadline and worked a sixty-hour week. We are feeling this discomfort when we know it isn’t rational.
Letting go of guilt and the guilt mindset is the only path to becoming a happy supermom. As with other negative emotions, guilt can increase health issues, depression, and anxiety. It will torment you.
Let’s talk about some tangible ways you can start to let go of guilt.
Forgiveness
If you are feeling guilty for a legitimate reason, by all means, apologize and ask for forgiveness. Most of the time, though, mom-guilt is not rational and thus an apology is not required. The forgiveness you need is forgiveness for yourself.
When Kami started Kindergarten a few years ago, I missed the first day. I felt horribly guilty. But, guess what? Jeremy was there and got to stay for the first hour instead of me. He took all the pictures and experienced the first day in a way he had never done. I could have made it a big deal and made Kami upset. Instead, I made a big deal about how amazing it would be to have Daddy. And the day went great! I had to forgive myself and remember that sometimes missing things allows someone else to step up and lean in.
The Values Check
Next week we are going to talk about priorities and values and making sure you are truly in alignment with the life you want. Sometimes you are feeling a guilt mindset because you are not in line with your values. A super-fast activity to check this is a values pie. There is an example of this in the Secrets of Supermom Workbook or you can draw a circle on a piece of paper and split it into 10 parts. You will write down the 10 things most important to you as fast as you can. Then, number them from 1 to 10 with 1 as the most important. Finally, take a look at how you are spending your time each week. Is it in line with your values? If not, you might feel guilt because you are missing the things that are most important for you.
Ask for Help
Episode 5 was all about help. We talked about asking for help, delegating, and outsourcing. Sometimes you feel guilty that you can’t do it all. Instead of doing it all, you might just need a little help.
Zoom Out
Sometimes it is important to just take a big step back. Zoom way out on your life, and look at it from the perspective of an astronaut. You are floating above the earth with your giant astronaut head, weightless in your spacesuit. What do you see when you are floating in space far above your life?
Does it actually look pretty awesome? Do you see a strong, capable mom raising independent, well-adjusted kids? Do you have a career you love, a family you love, and a relationship you love? Do you see a healthy mom with healthy kids? Do you see smiles and joy?
What if it doesn’t look like that at all? If you take a big zoom out on your life and the view is not pretty, it is time to go back to your values. It is time for some changes.
You Are Enough
Guilt can often come from not feeling like you are “enough.” Not home enough, not a good enough boss, not a good enough cook, not a good enough partner, not a good enough mom.
Stop.
You. Are. Enough. If you are listening to this, you are definitely enough.
One Small Step: The Secret of Mindset
Take 5 minutes and zoom out on your life to a 10,000-foot view. What do you see, hear, feel? First, focus on the things that are absolutely great and be grateful. Then, take a look at the things that are not so great, and remember that you are in control. If you want to change some things, let’s start working on a plan. And if you want some help with that plan, I have some exciting things coming so stay tuned.
Alright friends, I hope you have a fantastic Independence Day weekend and enjoy time with friends and family! See you next week!
